This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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