So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
