There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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