Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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