If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
