Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
