i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
