I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
