i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
