tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
