I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ketchup is God's man juice
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
