Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
