I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
