You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
