i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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