I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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