I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
