I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
