Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
