Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
