I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
