I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
