Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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