If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
