my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
