I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
