he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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