I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
