You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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