when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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