He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
