yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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