She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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