yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
