Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
