i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
