My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
