hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish i was in the wii world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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