I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
