i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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