I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
