you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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