Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
