Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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