I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
