i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
