they need to just BURY HIM!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
