I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
