You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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