Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
