Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
