Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
