u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
